Missing Mom -- Every Year

Last week public television stations aired a terrific program on children's grief with the Sesame Street crew called "When Families Grieve." (Our station is offering free resource kits -- get more info at WKAR.org.)

It connected me a great deal to the work I did when facilitating for 10 years at Ele's Place and dealing specifically with the challenging issues children and their families face when a loved one dies.

I think about that a lot at this time of year anyway, for my mom died 34 years today. I wasn't a kid -- I just felt like one. At 25, you think you had it together. I didn't have a clue. (I think this photo was taken the summer before she died.)

I think about her a lot. I think about how my life wasn't fully formed when she left -- she never met Rick or the kids or knew about the work I do at WKAR or Gypsy. She never saw my house (neither did my dad, for that matter -- he died before I bought it) and could only imagine that her passion for all things holiday and decorating would live on. (As does lots of her stuff!)

I'd like to think she does know and see that. I guess someday I'll know if that's the case.

She was a good mom. More than a tad overprotective of her only child and I don't know that did me any favors, though it kept me safe. She had good values she passed on and I see a lot of her in me. Not just the holidays or decorating, but the love of cooking, of family, of tradition, of art. Of service. I was at her side at the ripe old age of four, accompanying her when she volunteered.

And she could get people to do things they would never want to do -- really. I mean, who else but my mom could get my cousins and I polishing copper up at the lake? It's neither tidy nor particularly fun -- and it was summer, for heaven's sake! Yet we were a mean cleaning team! And we had fun at it!

Mom was a Lansing person. She grew up here, lived and died within this community, taking a few years away for college and an early teaching job, until she returned to share caretaking duties for my grandmother with her sister Grace. She saw the advent of the car as a little girl. Not so different from so many of our families, I suppose. I wish she'd known about the microwave -- she'd love that! (That's her on the running board with my grandma and her little brother, who died when he was seven.)

She had a great sense of humor and was always laughing (especially with her sisters). She was a photographer -- and again, her humor showed. Who else would put the ugliest Halloween mask in town on their two month old "beautiful" baby girl and take pictures?

(Perhaps this is why my periodic cat humiliation of the occasional reindeer antler doesn't seem so bad to me!)

Her connection with her sisters was a great joy to her -- they were a close family, and I think that's why I am close to my cousins. While we don't spend the holidays together we used to, we have good times, support each other, keep in touch. (My aunt Grace died seven months to the day later; I think she'd like reading Mama K! who was the daughter-in-law she never met! That's Gracie and Martin with mom and dad, below.)

But of course, her greatest connection was to my dad. A true soul connection. I still have her wedding hat...I just can't make myself remove the flowers for art. Maybe someday -- a small bit, for a shrine!

And I think of their small, quiet wedding when my grandmother was so ill. They were married in Martin's dad's house across the street from the one in which they grew up by his minister father. I think she would have loved to plan a lovely "real" wedding for me, but I also think she'd "get" my relationship with Rick, as real and loving as hers with dad -- just one that works better for us.

Rick and the kids. Oh, she'd love those boys. She'd be so proud of Greg's art and you can bet she would have shown up at any of Kevin's football games she could during his playing days. I don't think she ever missed a play I was in -- and a better guess is that she saw them all at least twice!

We never stop missing people, I think. The grieving shifts into a combination of memories -- the good and the bad -- and a sad longing that rears its head at often inauspicious moments, reminding us what changed. We're not so young anymore, either. The people at the birthday celebrations have changed.

When my mom's oldest sister, Iris, died a couple years ago, we realized that we -- my cousins and I -- were now the older generation. We'd like to think we're fun and cool and that the youth in our lives like to be around us. Sometimes that seems to be the case and sometimes... well, you know the drill!

When both my parents died, I really had no "unfinished business" -- except, of course -- a future life without them and of which they had little idea how it would form. I think that's the thing that makes me cry the most. We didn't have arguments then, we knew we loved each other -- we told each other every day. Things fell into a different perspective and we just handled what mattered most. We laughed when we could. We cried. We talked.

My mom was the best sick person I've ever known. She went into the hospital on St. Patrick's Day and died on April 21 -- about six weeks later. That never happens these days. Today there would be Hospice. Her hospital room was like a party lounge -- she had guests all the time, sleepovers. Her breast and ovarian cancer went into her brain -- she was in a lot of pain. Some of us knew it. Some never saw. She was that "up."

She told me once, "Having people here is so good for me, I don't want them to not want to come back."

I hope I can remember that some day. I try every day to live my own illness using her approach, not my dad's -- sometimes with more success than others.

Right now, I know a number of people in both a family circle as well as friends who are dealing with extremely serious illnesses -- mostly forms of cancer in varying stages. It terrifies me, because I don't want to think of having another person I care about leave my world. If it terrifies me, how it must frighten their more immediate family members and those who know them best and love them most.

As I remember Mom today, and the families of those who are facing loss, I am also thinking of you. I'm thinking of those of you are dealing with illness and those of you who are dealing with loss.

Old loss, new loss. It all hurts. It's just a matter of degree.

(There's a new post at "Chopsticks and String" -- finally! Learn about "Outliers" and practice!

Amadeus

Tell me to pick my favorite classical composer and more often not I'll say, "Mozart!" I love the life and color and energy in his work -- and his dramatic pieces are pretty powerful too! My mental picture reverts to the film "Amadeus," which so vibrantly showed a part of his life, with all the beauty and opulence that period brings to mind.

So, when Anno suggested we meet at an Ann Arbor restaurant called Amadeus as I began my journey to Artiscape, I was thrilled!

For those of you in Michigan and who may get to Ann Arbor now and then, take note! A visit to Amadeus is simply divine!

Located on Washington Avenue, the tiny pink storefront shows lacy curtains framing the two tables nestled into the front window corners.

And, when you walk in the door, this is what you see: A charming, beautifully decorated haven, perfect for a cozy, leisurely lunch!

Beautifully decorated -- but not overly thematic.

Yes, there is the portrait, and a wall with Mozart-themed art.

Yes, there are marvelous wood carvings of musicians.

But one also finds an upright piano with a collection of creches, patterned tablecloths, lovely vases with fresh flowers on each table.

We are greeted with our own little basket of tiny and delicious rolls. And of course, we pursue the menu!

Amadeus features many Eastern European dishes -- pierogi, potato pancakes, schnitzels and more. I had the "Amadeus Pancake," which was an herbed potato pancake with dill sauce and topped with smoked salmon, all sitting on a bed of greens.

For dessert we split a "Constanza," an orange-liquour sponge cake underneath a small mound of chocolate and then vanilla mousse.

Here's a side view!

And even the bathroom is wonderful!

Now, this post could easily be just a restaurant piece -- Amadeus certainly merits one. But it really is something more than that.

You see, as I was planning my trip to Artiscape, I knew I'd pass through Ann Arbor -- and so when I contacted Anno about meeting for lunch, and it worked out, I was thrilled. Very spur of the moment.

Five months ago, we'd never even met.

As a wonderful blogger whose words I followed, I got to "know" her right here in this Land of Blog. Last December, she and Jen of A2eatwrite and I had a holiday lunch in Ann Arbor. And it was wonderful.

So, as we sat savoring our most delectible lunch (Anne got the Dill Pickle Soup -- it rocked!), we spoke as though we'd known one another forever. We spoke of family and food, writing and blogging. Of the things with which we filled our hours. We could have continued far longer than my travel schedule allowed.

And, a bit later, as I hit the road for points south, I kept thinking how very wonderful it is to find a new friend. One who shares common interests, and one whose skills and talents I so deeply respect.

We should never be too old for new friends, but often, at a certain point in life, we have established our routines and our interests -- our clubs or our colleagues. We stick with the folks we know because we love them and sometimes we don't have the opportunity to discover what we might share with someone new.

Blogging has opened that door to me. Anno is one of the bloggers I've met in the two and almost half years I've done this, but there have been others and I trust there will be more in the future.

We are friends and finding new a new friend is a gift.

I am very blessed.

(Over the next few days, I'll be taking you to Columbus for a fun visit, some shopping, and several Artiscape workshops. But my next post is one dear to my heart -- honoring my mom! Please keep coming back for the next week or so to check up on some great art techniques and more!)

Blueberry Muffins

A number of you asked me for the blueberry muffin recipe I made for Easter brunch. So, I decided to post it!

This comes from "Baking Illustrated" by the editors of "Cook's Illustrated Magazine" (aka those awesome "America's Test Kitchen" folks -- I have hero worship for editor Christopher Kimball!

(Yes, I know I told those of you via e-mail it was from the King Arthur book. I was wrong. This is THE best baking book ever!)

Blueberry Muffins

Mix dry ingredients: 2 c flour / 1 T. baking powder and 1/2 t. salt

Mix: 1 beaten egg with 1 c. sugar.

In two or three additions, put in 1/2 stick melted and cooled butter (unsalted recommended) and mix well.

Then add 1 1/2 c. frozen or fresh blueberries (If you use frozen ones, keep 'em frozen so the batter doesn't go all blue. I freeze a big bunch every summer and they stay nice and hard and round; they were great.)

Then in 2-3 additions, add 1 1/4 c. sour cream. Don't overmix.

Bake (12 muffins) for 25-30 minutes.

Cool five minutes before turning out and then if glazing, go to it.

My Glaze (Not Cook's Illustrated)

Juice of 1 meyer lemon
Zest of that lemon
Enough powdered sugar to be thicker than a wet glaze but thinner than a frosting.

Drizzle over each muffin.

Artiscape

I'll be back next week with more pix! Here's one from a couple years ago -- I'm fortunate enough to have another class with the amazing Jacqueline Sullivan!

Back with you soon!

Artiscape and More!

I'm off on Thursday to Artiscape in Columbus. I'll be taking three workshops, assuming I get all I signed up for. One with Jacqueline Sullivan, another with Barbara Close and a third... rats! Can't remember -- it's bookmaking-oriented!

The other two are techniques for using paints and more to jazz up your papers, and we make sample books in each.

I'll have more on that later, but is anyone else going? Let me know! I'll be there Friday afternoon and Saturday.

(Really, if you have the chance to go, there are still some wonderful workshops available, the Marketplace rocks, and the artisan's show is always very good! Workshops range from around $40 to $95.)

My friend Judy Winter recently took some photos of me for her photography class. I need help in deciding which ones to print up -- do you have any feedback?

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

8. (This is the same as the one at the top of the post)

Thanks! (Isn't she good?)

Gotta Love that Spring Thing!

Come along with me on the visit to the market -- where the flowers are in full bloom!

I bought this hydrangea -- couldn't resist!

And I'll probably go back for gerbera daisies, too.

The colors knock me out.

I need these for the garden this year. (No, I don't need them. I want them.)

And the purple and green makes me smile.

And it's only just begun.

The Eyes Have It!

This is me before.

This is me after.

This is what I see when I look out of the wrong part of the glasses. A little fuzzy.

This is the executive assistant.

I don't need my glasses to see how cute he is!

(Actually, I'm able to see distances better without the glasses than with -- and since this is why I got them, I suspect a return visit to the eye doc is due. It'll get right sometime!)

Bits and Pieces of Spring!

Spring really does seem to be here.

I always wait with baited breath for the first bulbs to pop -- this year it was the mini-irises that flowered first...

Spring. For me it's anticipating Easter -- I love the decorations...

...and the colors!

And as far as I'm concerned, as long as the table is set nicely and looks pretty, I can get away with a multitude of cooking sins.

A sure sign of spring is decorating Easter eggs with our friends, Mark and Jan. (Rick did his raw instead of hard boiled. I'll let you know how that comes out -- no unfortunate breakage accidents, though!)

Our Easter itself was nice, with Greg and Rick for brunch...

I made WONDERFUL muffins! Blueberry muffins with lemon glaze.

And for dinner we actually ate outside! That NEVER happens! My Pavlova died a painful meringue death, so I quickly came up with a back-up dessert: Shortbread with Strawberries and whipped cream.

(Amazing what you can do with some flour, sugar, butter and vanilla. It rocked!)

Another sign of spring for me is the MSU Museum's annual wine tasting party, which was about a week ago. It is the mother of all wine tasting parties, with 200 wines to sample!

I always run into my wine tasting buddy Cheryl...

...and this is Kate with Marcia McDowell, who is THE ace curator at the museum.

But what really makes it spring?

Yes! The first robin!

All this, and Harry the Heron too! He was pretty far away, and my zoom was maxed out -- still, you can see him a bit!

My world is waking up. It's spring!