Missing Mom

April 21 is always a tough day for me. My mom died on that date, in 1977. You'd think I'd be over it by now. I am. And I'm not. I don't think we ever are.

I was one of the weird, lucky kids who had a great childhood. Two parents who loved each other and who loved me all the more. Financial security -- not wealthy, but comfortable. I was never spoiled but I was aware that we had all we needed and much of what we wanted. 

 

I didn't realize it for many years, but my mom and her sisters were ahead of their time, in many ways. They were the first generation in their family to go to college -- mom studied elementary education and taught first grade for a number of years. One school in which she taught was Lansing's Allen Street school. It is by great coincidence that I worked in that same school decades later, teaching children creative dramatics.

 

Perhaps my having a happy childhood is the result of her own, again a loving family, but much larger than that of our family of three. She and her sisters (and for seven short years, their brother) grew up in Lansing in a house I pass by regularly. 

 

They spent their summers at the same lake I do, in the same cottage my cousins now have. Mom and her best friend, Fran, were inseparable. They'd sing at the top of their lungs as they sat on the dock, knit the same patterns for school ensembles, and then model them on the beach. They were friends forever. 

 

When World war II came along, my mom quit teaching and worked for the airlines. I wish I'd probed her former supervisor better when he was still alive. I know she was doing war-related work but I'm not sure what it was. In any event, when the war ended, she left that field and managed a dress shop in town. 

 

My parents met in the late 1940s, after my dad returned from World War II. They were on a blind date with her sister and her current beau, who happened to be a friend of Dad's. That friend once said that after they met, he asked dad what he thought and he said, "Well, she's really short." He also asked Mom who said, "He's really tall." His friend said that was all he heard till he got the wedding invitation.

 

I came along a year and a half later, and I couldn't have been more welcome. Mom was a full-time mom and we spent a lot of time together. In the days before nursery and pre-school, she taught me my letters and phonics and I was partially reading by the time I went started school. She spent countless hours volunteering for several organizations and of course, as many "ladies" of that day did, had her bridge club and church circle. From the time I was small until the day she died, she (and my dad) were beyond supportive. They not only attended every play I was in (or involved with) at least once, but they offered up the house for cast parties and put up with my loud and constant singing of show tunes, probably more flat than tuneful. My friends still remember my parents, which make me happier than one could imagine. 

 

And of course, she was super-crafter, who did everything from oil tinting photos to knitting to making intricate 3-D shadow boxes. Nope, this apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Mom and Dad were married on March 18, 1951. On St. Patrick's Day, March 17, 1977, Mom, whose cancer had moved onto her brain, had another seizure, this one serious enough to have her taken from our home by ambulance. I often have wondered what she thought, laying on the gurney, looking at the rooms she could see from the hallway by the front door and wondering when she would be home or if she'd ever see them again. And she didn't. 

The next day, on their anniversary, my dad, aunt and I headed off to the hospital to celebrate the day, cake in hand. A pile up on the highway access road slowed us down (we were one of the pile in a late-season ice storm) but we made it, shaken but uninjured, in time. We enjoyed the rum cake I'd brought and shared stories from their wedding and times past. Finally, we left, taking a different route home, hating to leave her there. Happy Anniversary.

Mom was in the hospital about five or six weeks. Today her care would have been at home, through Hospice. We visited daily. I was 25, working. She managed to have more fun than anyone with brain cancer should have during a hospital stay. Despite some agonizing procedures, she happily welcomed guests, some for overnight on the couch in her room. I needlepointed as we'd have long chats, and I still have the pillow I made at that time, prayers packed into each stitch.

I have said often that my mom taught me how to live while dying. I suspect it wasn't easy. 

She died too young (57) and too soon -- although I suspect she was ready to leave this world for whatever was to come next. She had great faith and my sense is that her deepest conversations about this were with our minister. I still have the notes and cards sent after, notes that shed light on the things she did for others. I value those. 

 

Are we ever old enough to lose our moms? Or, our dads, for that matter. I don't think so. But my dad was around many years longer. I still get terribly sad and angry that she missed so much of my life. I wasn't fully-formed yet, not in a job that would later become a career. Not with anyone special in my life. She didn't get to see me in theatre at a time I was doing good work or later when I was working in TV. Most of all, it hurts that she  never knew Rick or the kids. 

I'm not sure my dad or I ever recovered. I know I haven't. Her illness still haunts me. And I know that had she lived in the times in which we do now, her cancer may have been detected sooner or treated with drugs that are more effective. My cousin and I often say we want to hold off on serious illness as long as we can so the medical establishment and research will be a step ahead of us.

 

I believe we are all shaped in some way by the environment in which we grew up and the roles our parents played in our lives, for good or ill. For some who weren't as lucky as I, that may have brought challenges that either broke them, set them back or made them stronger. I just know that I have a lot of my mom in me (and lots of dad, too). 

 

And that's a wonderful thing to be able to say.

(If you like, tell me about your mom or dad, especially if they are no longer with you.) 

Thank You

I just wanted to thank you all for such heartfelt comments on my recent post. You can't imagine what that support means to me right now. I wish I could reply to each of you individually (those for whom I have email info, at least), but that lack of response has no connection to how grateful I am for wise words and understanding. 

 

So many of you have had similar experiences or periods in life when things aren't going well, whether it is physical or emotional stress or just an overload. You shared much encouragement, many positive thoughts and ideas, and perhaps most of all, helped validate the mix of feelings and frustration I'm experiencing. For those of you who periodically or still are in the "dark zone," I encourage you to read the comments on that post. And, I extend my own hopes that should you be in that spot now, your shadows soon lift.

 

I will be back soon with a new post. Meanwhile, visiting when I can and enjoying seeing spring come to life in your worlds.  

 

Thank you.

Thinking About Spring, Thinking About Things

Spring certainly seems to be dragging its feet here in mid-Michigan. Or, maybe it just feels like it was so long ago that we had our last spring that I've just forgotten the frustration and the fact that maybe this is the way it always feels. Still-bare branches with barely a touch of budding, fierce winds (and I don't remember winds nearly so strong as they are this year, and actually have been ever since last summer), and lots of rain. 

 

But there are buds. And even a bit of green is beginning to show. And a surprising high-60s, sunny day.

The Books of March

March ended up being a surprisingly good -- and diverse -- reading month. How i managed eight books last month is a mystery to me! There were, of course, mysteries, but I also read two fiction novels, a biography and a delightful humor book. Or, was it political satire? Or an animal behavior book? I'll let you decide! 

(And thank you all for lovely comments and support! Surgery went well, and not as miserable as the previous two times! YAY!) Now, onward to books!

Happy Easter

I was going to my last post stand for Easter, and it does for the sacred side -- but I couldn't resist adding a vintage element or two! 

Sacred Art for the Season

 Last Christmas Eve, Rick and I enjoyed a remarkable art experience when we visited St. John the Evangelist Church in Jackson, Michigan, a small city about 30 miles away from Lansing. It was a temptation to write about it immediately, but the art itself was better fitted to explain during Holy Week, so I held off on this post till now.

 

Christmas Eve was the official "opening" of a magnificent mural at the church's altar. It's enormous -- 32 feet tall and 21 feet wide and was created by local artist Joseph Macklin. Father Chas Canoy told us that it took a year to complete. Jackson is part of Lansing's Archdiocese and its St. John the Evangelist is its oldest church, built in the 1850s and Gothic in style. The mural is a perfect addition, with the style of art and the painting's subject matter fitting the setting.

We Are Exhausted! And It Was Great!

We had a lovely and fun pre-Easter, birthday weekend with the grandboys -- and boy, did they tire us out! To be fair, both of us were running on limited sleep. But it was a fun weekend so no complaints!

 

Our weekend started off watching Michigan State lose to UConn in the Sweet Sixteen. The first half was grim and the boys were in bed by the second. The game ended up much closer than expected from "Act One" and if MSU had played as they did in the second half, they would have made it to at least the Elite Eight. Alas. 

Spring, Maybe? The Bunnies are Back!

The calendar tells us it is officially spring. I've got to go with that because otherwise, it's just too depressing! 

 

So, on a remarkably warm (60 degree) day, I headed down to the Ditch for a look around, For the most part, nothing had changed much since my last visit, but I did notice this unique pine. I'm guessing it survived the tornado but with definite scoliosis to its trunk. Still, it looks healthy, just odd. (NOTE: I stand corrected! Tom, who knows such things, says this is a spruce, not a pine!)

Finding Old Travel Photos: Japan Edition

Once again, life is a bit slow. Rick just returned from Florida this week, where he spent time with his dad and saw old friends. He got to travel -- now I am armchair traveling! It's time to share long-ago travel photos from the archive!

Lots more than 1,000 cranes -- taken in Hiroshima's peace park.

Belated Christmas and an Update!

My friend Suzanne, who lives in London, Ontario, came to visit this week. We were celebrating Belated Christmas. (And belated birthdays, too.) We decided to give up on presents for birthdays (being of an age where we really don't need anything and are or will be downsizing!) But we still like to shop for each other, so doing one big bash a year is perfect.

 

I was changing sheets on Suzanne's bed and on mine. I had an assistant. 

Princess Summerfall Winterspring

Our schizophrenic weather brought to mind a character from an old children's television show I watched as a child,  "The Howdy Doody Show." Princess Summerfall Winterspring was first played by actress Judy Tyler, then after her early death, by a marionette.  The character was one of Howdy's dear friends.

 

Summerfall Winterspring. That's what March is like in Michigan. When the temperature hits 60, drive by any fraternity house near the campus that has a sun roof and you'll see loads of young men in shorts. As for the women, on their way to the bar on a Friday night, tube tops and short skirts are in vogue -- often with no coat or a skimpy jacket. It is summer to them.

Reading in February

Three books this month. Is it the headaches that stopped me from doing more? Maybe. And I'm half through another that I'm not sure I can bring myself to finish. So, onward, to two mysteries and a truly delightful novel based on the life of a woman as remarkable as her fictional counterpart.

 

So Much for Spring!

In the last post I hopefully pointed to signs of spring -- melted snow, being the biggie. Well, I knew it would be back, and it was. Not a lot, so I'm not really complaining. I've seen what those in the East are going through. At least the sun has been out (sometimes!) so that's a plus. (And let's be honest -- since I started this post, it has pretty much melted again -- at this moment, it is 54, light snow predicted for today! February and March are always so erratic!)

So, What Else Is New?

It's been quite a couple of weeks. To be honest, I'm getting a little tired of it all! But the best part was Valentine's Day! Rick pulled out all the stops -- a terrific gift and a dinner to die for with wonderful wine!

 

The main course? My all-time favorite, shrimp and grits! He knows me well!

Great Grandpa Wood's Receipts

My great grandfather (my mother's maternal grandfather), William S. Wood, was born at sea in 1850 and raised in Buffalo, NY. By the 1880s he had cut out a career for himself in the booming confectionery business in the city.

 

Because of Buffalo's location and the advent of the Erie Canal, the city was known for its confectioneries, with more than 126 retailers and 13 wholesalers by 1888. William S. Wood started at the bottom in the 1870s and worked his way into a factory management position at Sibley and Holmwood. 

February -- The Longest Short Month of the Year

It's still mid February and while I don't want to wish time away, boy -- it seems like a long month! At least we've had some fun -- and fun things to look forward to! 

 

Rick was so desperate for good skiing that he headed north to spend some time with Greg, then kept going up to Sault Ste. Marie Canada, (aka The Soo). He found a spot he thought was heaven on earth.

Cork Poppers: Where Do YOU Want to Be?

It's time for another Cork Poppers post! This time we met at my house and our theme was "Where in the World Would You Like to Be Right Now." That opened up a lot of options for wines from about every country you could imagine and we had a few -- New Zealand, Spain and Italy!

January Books

I had high hopes for January reading and ended up with four books, three mysteries and one novel. I did clock in a lot of pages -- most were pretty big. But more important, they were good, too. 

Still Cold, But Who Isn't These Days?

It's been a full week, mostly good, and capped off on Saturday with a Cork Poppers gathering. More on that one later, but we had a wonderful afternoon sampling wines and devouring terrific food from places we'd rather be!

 

The Portrait Challenge

Today is Nicole's Friday Face-Off portrait challenge, in which we share portraits we have done of another. Now, if I was really doing this right, it would be something more recent than these. But, as they say, "it's been a month" (or two). So a couple of oldies. I'll kick it off with Rick. (All of these were done in watercolor on paper.)

Polar Vortex!

Greetings from the Polar Vortex. Chances are if you live most places in the US, you are in it, too. 

 

We are in the midst of a deep freeze here -- definitely not my favorite kind of weather but when you live in Michigan, you have to experience this now and then. But this is pretty extreme! When I was a kid, I don't remember them ever closing school because it was too cold. Even snow days were rare and it seemed we had more then than now. 

Life in January -- It's Good!

The past week has been mostly a "friend" week with several lunches and dinners out. I've been short of companionship during the past couple of months -- self-imposed, to be sure. But now feeling good enough to enjoy the company of others. And, on top of that, my weight-lifting and arm-raising instructions have been lifted so  can get back to doing things around the house I'd neglected.

 

I was so surprised and delighted when, on my "liberation day," Rick showed up with a dozen beautiful peachy roses. They've held up so well and I love them! 

Finding Old Photos: France Edition

Well, I've been here before. A slow month. I could write about a lot of health things or political topics but I don't want to and you probably don't want to read them. So, it's back to revisiting the travel photo archive!

The 2025 Book Wrap Up!

Finally -- an overview of the books I read in 2025. This was a far better reading year than I expected, with a grand total of 73 books read in 2025. Those books represented 20,573 pages. (The total books was a record since I started recording books in 2002, pages a bit short of 2022's 21,994.)

 

Last year's totals were 47 books and 4947 pages, so it was a great improvement!

I've listed my Top Ten (or so) below, all books by category/genre following. Please note that because something didn't get in the top ten, didn't mean it wasn't good. It might have just meant that it was part of a series and the series should be considered as a whole. 

Links under the titles of each book are to my book review posts from last year with more detail about each one. I didn't include many of the mystery series I love so much here because it felt a bit redundant, but many of those would be in my favorites!

Starting the New Year Right!

The calendar has turned over and I'm doing my best to turn over with it!  Some recent doc appointments have brought about some medication changes and I'm feeling much improved! What a relief! And nothing like a pretty fruit arrangement to really make your day!

 

I've been spending a lot of time at the computer lately, looking at old photos. No, not for blogging. Not even to delete the bad ones (of which there are plenty.) It is to add my own photos to the Aura photo frame that Kevin and Molly gave me for Christmas which is high on my "best gift ever" list. (Left: Covid days/egg hunt; Right: Good times in England)

Seven Reflection Questions that Made Me Think!

Recently, the New York Times had an article about seven reflection questions to ask yourself that might help you have a happier new year in 2026. I enjoyed these -- they were good food for thought. 

When did you feel the most joyful and carefree?

Being at the lake always makes me feel more joyful and carefree. There is usually no schedule and you can't beat the environment!

 

The December Books

I guess I read a bit more than anticipated in December, wrapping up the year with mostly mysteries, which are my "comfort food,"  along with one dearly loved re-read. (OK, I read that book one chapter a month but I finished this month!) Five books -- I'll take it. And they were all worth the time.