Why Me? Why Not?

Over the past few weeks, I've had so many wonderful people come up to me and, referring to my illness and then to my shoulder injury (a fall at work; scared the heck out of me, but MRI said bursitis), and say "Oh, why does this have to happen to you?"

My usual answer to them is, "Why not me? It's my turn."

I have to say that lately, it would be pretty easy to fall into the "Why Me" pity party. And I've had my moments. You can ask Rick about that! It's been a terrible round of "stuff" lately, and not much of it is fun.

But I do have to add that apart from slamming myself into a door and a weird wisdom tooth that may need to be pulled in the immediate future, I've been feeling pretty good. They are retesting to be certain they don't have false positives and this gives me a reprieve before I begin any kind of treatment.

Perhaps the better question is "Why not me?" What makes any one of us exempt from challenges? Is "being nice" or "being thoughtful" or "being a hard worker" a pass from challenge?

I think not. 

And I have the friends and family members to prove it.

And while it would be nice -- well, not nice but at least normal -- to think that those who are brutal, violent, callous, arrogant or downright mean should get a comeuppance, the fact is that illness, loss and more than one's share of "bad luck" coming all at once don't pick and choose based on "good" or "evil," "friendly" or "snobby," "humble" or "arrogant."

And guess what -- you know that because chances are, it has happened to you. You have lived lives that are creative, loving, kind and compassionate.

 

Yet I feel pretty safe saying that every single Gypsy reader has faced one or more tremendous losses or challenges: deaths or estrangement of spouses, children, parents, loss of your job, or your home or your health.

It's not just me or just you. It really is all of us. Maybe not all at the same time. But we all get our share.

It's my turn.

And while it is my turn, it is also someone else's turn. Maybe the people who were damaged in the Boston Marathon bombings. Or those who have lost their homes and their loved ones in tornadoes in Oklahoma and elsewhere. What about those who are evacuated because of the recent wild fires in several states. Really. And I think I've got troubles?

Often one hears "Things happen for a reason." Or, "God doesn't give you more than you can manage."

Being the person I am, I will think, "I need to know the reason now." Or, "He may think I can manage it, but really, right now I could use a break." (Then I look at my favorite Anne Lamott book, "Help, Thanks, Wow" and know I'm not alone in that thought!)

But the fact is, I can argue or I can turn it around and seek the reason. Organize the things I am presented into a way I can manage them as best as possible.

We all can. If we believe we can.

A few weeks ago I told Rick that I think I am the luckiest person in the world. Practical Rick said, "I don't think so. Look what you're going through." And I said, "Yeah, but look what I have to get me through it. Unlucky would be being alone, not having an income, a roof over my head, and most of all having good friends and family and bloggies and others in my world who care."

Yes, unlucky would be dealing with all that on top of debt I couldn't manage or a home without Lizzie. Unlucky would be dealing with this alone, without Rick. Without friends and family. Without you.

I have been overwhelmed and encouraged by the comments you have left on my blog, the emails I have received and the gifts, flowers, emails and cards that have come my way at home through this caring community. That support has lifted me through some tough moments and it fills my heart with purpose.

I will share some of the ideas and strategies I've learned from your comments to guide me in the healing process in a future post. But let me say right now that two phrases that have surfaced in many comments have been "inspirational" and "such a positive attitude."

I've never thought of myself as an inspiration to anyone, really. I just do what I do, say what I say. But I know that if it touches someone and makes a difference, then part of my work in this life has been a success. I feel rather humble for that, and honored.

As for the attitude, I've been known as being obnoxiously cheery, sometimes when I think people would prefer to bop me over the head and have me be as miserable or ticked off as they are. In fact, they've told me that. 

Cheery doesn't always work, but that's pulled me through many a tough day. And when I'm not -- and that happens -- those days are ever so much harder.

If I have a positive, can-do, must-do attitude, it is because I must. Otherwise, I will fail and fall.

I know I'll have bad times, not because I expect them (although the side effects of these drugs sort of scare me).

I'll have them because we all do. It's my turn.

And I will get a little nutsy at times. Of this I am also certain. But I will know that when I walk that path, I'm not walking alone. I am walking with you. 

And with a bunch of critters at the lake. And that will make the journey much easier.

Thank you.