Not long ago, that furry, red, Muppet favorite, Elmo, asked on X (Twitter) "How are you doing?" And boy, did people tell him! The consensus? The people weren't doing all that well with stress related from everything to illness to job issues, family problems to the nitpicky problems that occur in day to day life.
It's probably good I didn't see that tweet because I would have added my two cents, too! We've been having a bit of a rough time of it here this winter. On one hand, I have been dealing with some health issues along with computer challenges and the mold problem. Rick, meanwhile, has been dealing with some challenging things related to the transition of his business. And Lizzie is having a few issues too. We've all been struggling and, fortunately, have each other for support.
But we're not the only ones. I've noticed a number of bloggers are going through challenging times with either illness or the illness of family members. Another blogger has been trying to get action from an insurance company after a fire. Still more have work issues or family issues. Lots of us are stressed politically. We all have something sometime.
As I've often said before, we all get a turn, and this is ours. Maybe yours, too.
The Five Bits of Happy is a strategy I came up with some time ago and it probably riffs off of the old days of gratitude journaling. The idea is that when you are really down, try to find five things that make you happy. (Or at least, happier.)
They don't have to be complicated. It can be the hug you get from someone who loves you, the purr of a cat, finally seeing blue sky outside after a month of gray, discovering a treat hidden in your freezer, long forgotten but still good, a close parking place at the store on a rainy day, a killer sale at the grocery store on something you really love (like salmon for $5.99/pound).
The Five Bits of Happy don't fix anything. If you're still having a work problem, it probably hasn't disappeared, nor has your health changed or the mold disappeared without spending thousands of dollars. But -- and it's a big but -- it can help tamper down the personal pity party.
The other words I try my best to live by (with varying degrees of success) are "Don't Obsess."
My dad obsessed over his health, and it was a valuable lesson for me to learn. There wasn't a conversation when it didn't come up -- and it was pretty hard to get him off track. The wife of another friend (both she and Dad have since passed) was equally obsessive and happy to share it. One day at an open house I sat her down with my dad and I think the two got on very well! (And her husband and I got a break!)
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| Dad in the good days. |
I listened. But it made me a little crazy because obsessing on it wasn't helping him. It just reminded him of pain, of things he couldn't do, of things that couldn't be cured. And that made him depressed as well as frustrated. He wasn't the funny, fun dad I grew up with but self-absorbed by something out of his control.
It's one thing to be honest, share a problem, vent now and then. We need to do that, whether it is with trusted friends or family or even in our blogs or social media sites. (Or to Elmo!) When it is every single day, the one who suffers most is the one who is already suffering.
Obsessing keeps us from getting on with our lives, doing the things that we love and that matter while we still can. We get into a funk that can get pretty dark and the more we think about things, the darker it gets. (Or maybe that's just me.) You don't have to be the "hostess with the mostest" to have a pity party but if it goes on too long, it can not only be harder to get out of but affect your relationships with others. Yes, the guests at your pity party will soon head to the door if it goes on too long!
Not obsessing can be very hard! Trust me, I know. But being proactive and doing what one can at least feels as though something is happening, even if the end results aren't what one might hope. Believe me, I know.
I recently saw a FB meme about voting. But it holds true for making decisions -- the decision to wallow or to move to where is "closest to where you want to be."
So, every day I try to find the Five Bits of Happy. Here are a few of mine.
The Dick VanDyke Show -- any episode!
The purr of a fur-girl.
A Harry the Heron sighting (I'm waiting for that one!)
Giggling with my favorite munchkins.
A kiss or a hug from someone you love.
And if all else fails, if you feel like you're drowning....
Make shadow puppets on the wall.
We only have so much time in life.
It's up to us to use it well.
That said -- I'll go out on Elmo's limb and ask you the same! Feel free to let it go! (I just did!) And then move on and find your Five Bits of Happy for the day! And if you feel like sharing those too, please do!)
Sharing with: Friday Face-Off
61 comments:
...when you are having a bad day, remember your favorite munchkins.
One day in early December I suffered from a pinched nerve in my back as the result of bulging disc and stenosis and arthritis. I ended up incapacitated for a full month, until pain killers, PT and slow recuperation finally had me back to using just a cane and being able to drive again. Then I caught covid and was laid low. So basically I did nothing for two months. Now it thrills me to be able to dust my furniture and change my bedding without help or pain. Who knew those two activities could bring me so much joy. I am finally getting my ability to taste and smell back and so can eat stuff I really like instead of microwave meals (YUK). Today I made a rub for a pork shoulder to oven roast tomorrow for pulled pork. WHEEEE! I can hardly wait. So (1) freedom from pain, (2) a good night's sleep - see No.1, (3) friends who drove me EVERYWHERE when I could barely climb into the car, (4) some great books to read while I could do nothing else and (5) the newfangled ability to order groceries delivered, and one more - my dear neighbor who faithfully came over every day and fed my kitties and scooped the litter box so the board of health would stay away.
OMG!!!! Alan Brady talking to his "guys", i'm cracking up , because all these years I thought it was just me who closes my eyes and drifts back to that scene and numerous others for pure joy! Hahahahah! Thanks so much Jeannie
I reckon the best thing to snap one out of whatever- a trip out of town, like way out! Out of the country- it adds some measure of stress but the good kind!
My granddaughter giving me a hug, telling me she loves me, my cat coming to sit on my lap, my husband thanking me for all I do for him, my daughter for always being there and my garden. Hugs Gill Xx
This is such a soothing post. I smile again and again reading through the words.
We have a saying in this house "Do you know what is wrong with a pity party? No one comes and there are no refreshments" Yes we all have those times when it seems it all goes wrong. Husband was sick most of the first half of the winter. But I am taking full advantage of the good times right now let them roll!
Cathy
This is timely for me, thank you. Slipping into a feeling of defeat and sadness doesn't do anything other than perpetuate the feeling. I'm going to think about my happy things, I know I have them!
What a great post Jeanie. It is true, we've all been through times when everything seems to go wrong. After dealing with my husband's kidney failure, I promised myself to try to take a less down in the dumps route. However, the political situation in our country is truly frightening me right now. I try to tell myself that people have felt the same way in past history about politics, and even though I remember my parents upset about some of the things in the 1960's, I still don't think it's the same.) And of course, with a long planned trip in the works, all these things that cost money are going wrong like needing tires to pass car inspection and now we found out Maddie had diabetes and needs to not only be on insulin but also expensive diabetic dog food. But I'm trying to keep my chin up and be excited about what is going on and the fact that my husband is healthy and Miss Maddie can be treated...you get my point. Thanks for sharing this post. We all can use it. hugs-Erika
Jeanie, I was talking with a dear friend yesterday who was very depressed and having a pity party. I did my best to cheer her up, but she wasn’t having it. She really has some major issues that will not solve themselves. I may forward your post to her. My beloved mother always said if you would do something kind for someone else, it would make you feel better and take your mind off yourself. She was always doing for others. Thank you Jeanie, I enjoyed this post!
I find it hard to believe, and even harder to admit that what makes me happy is...sleep. It wasn't always like that, but lately as I advance in age, I've come to appreciate its contribution to my relative physical and mental wellness.
I love sleep! A nap if I'm home in the afternoon, preferably not like yesterday when I nodded off holding a cup of tea, which amazingly was still in the cup when I woke. And then there's drifting off at night with a dull audio book just murmuring away. Lovely.
Jeanie, this post contained many good points especially about not obsessing, which I tend to do more often than not. It's not a good thing because it does rob one of so much time that could be spent thinking about even better things in your life and in the world. I did enjoy seeing your Five Bits of Happy and now I am going to come up with my own list which will definitely include the last one on your list with my husband, Patrick.
Enjoyed this post. We call our herons here Henry!
I love seeing "life" through your lens, Jeanie. It's so necessary to see what others are dealing with, to know we're not the only ones going through something(s)! Thankyou for reminding us of all the small blessings! xo
I love (and have) an Elmo and thank you for this positive post!
I never thought I was depressed, but I think I was and the blogger-world helped me heaps.
Coming up with 5 things seems doable.
This is a thought provoking post Jeanie. We can support one another in times of feeling down by saying something positive. Thinking of you and Rick.
Find you five bits of happy, that is great advice Jeanie!
Being obsessive over anything is not healthy.
I like the of your father smiling, he looks happy.
Cute photos of you and your grandsons and Rick.
Keep smiling and be happy.
Take care, have a wonderful week!
Glad to see Harry the Heron and Ricky the Rascal, Jeanie. Happiness is to some extent self-conferred and it’s important to embrace it fully, especially as we get older since we have fewer days left to practice happiness. I supposed that’s true from the moment of birth but when you see sixty years stretching ahead of you, it seems infinite. It’s quite different when there may only be ten!
It seems like practical advice. I like to think of it as being content more than happy, but that is semantics. Getting on with things seems to be a good way to proceed, like in our case, going out for a walk on a less than inspiring day. Like you, I think it is okay to share your troubles, but don't dwell on them.
The happiest day in my life may have been the day I realized I was wasting time responding to thoughts in my head rather than to the realities of life. That's what most obsession is; that's why so many people lie awake at night "thinking." The way I figure it, there's nothing I can do about "it" at night, so I just go to sleep, knowing that I can begin dealing with "it"in the morning. I never have trouble sleeping, and always wake refreshed -- at least, once I get that first cup of coffee!
Thanks Jeanie, I went to a Van Gogh Art Installation this week in Thailand and thought of you, as you had directed me to seeing my first one in Paris. How long ago was that? We're we any happier then? Maybe.
I always find if I'm feeling low I need to get out with friends & that always cheers me up! If I can't do this I get reading my blogging friends that works too!
Have a happy week.
Wren x
This reminds me of the old saying (I did come from FL) that 'when you are in the water fighting alligators remember the reason you are there is to drain the swamp'. I don't know why that popped in my head-but it did.
We, too, continue along with John's health issues that seem to be getting worse. All the tests known to man have ruled out everything and yet he continues to pass out 2 or 3 times a day in spite of meds to combat that.
Day by day is how I do it. I try to think of things I am grateful for every day, too. A sweet little (albeit naughty) dog by my side, ability to walk 3 miles every day, a clean house, kids that care and just joy at being as well as I am at this stage of life.
I think we all roll with the punches as best we can and try not to wallow in the 'what if's' and 'why me's'.
God bless you- you are in my prayers. xo Diana
Hope things get better soon..In the meantime..you have found a way through it all:)Your RX:)Kudos!
Great post. Sometimes you just have to wallow in it for a bit, but give yourself a set time. I am going to obsess and dwell on this for this afternoon, then I need to move on. We have to allow ourselves to feel what we feel in order to move through it, so a little while in a pity party is OK. Then, pull up your big girl panties and move on.
Amen! I have met with a group of 6 other women for over 20 years (once a month) and the past few years all they seem to talk about is old age and health issues. Finally I said I don't mind talking about those issues for awhile, but let's talk of happy things. I am so thankful to have been able to live as long as I have because so many haven't had that privilege. I am so thankful I can still go for a walk and enjoy being in nature. I am so thankful to be able to see me grandson growing up. I am so thankful to wake up each morning with expectation of what will take place in the day. Thank you for this, it is good to focus on those 5 things. Hugs to you and may you, Rick and Lizzie have a good, good day!
This is definitely one of my favorite Top Ten List blog posts.
Thank you, it's what I needed to hear this Sunday morning.
Good, uplifting post, Jeanie. We all have friends and family who struggle, let alone ourselves, and it always helps to keep the faith, count your blessings or five bits of happy. I feel like my mom really led by this example, and each of us children of hers point it out to each other when we're having struggles of our own. I'm trying to instill it in my adult daughters too. ♥
I tend to beat myself up mentally, so to offset it, I force myself to praise myself. There are so many good things to say about myself.
Sending a hug and best wishes for better days!
I've been reading a lot of books so far this winter to escape! Love Donna Leon's Venice books also. Have you read Louise Penny's books? I recently discovered that I can take books out on the LIBBY app from my local library so have been happily binging away for free. Though my local bookstore will still be getting business as well :)
xo Gail
Sometimes I think I am fortunate to have learned from quite a young age that life can be horribly dark and brilliantly filled with light...at the very same time. In the long run, life is all about what you choose to focus on. Like you, I think--I choose realistic optimism. When the darkness tries to take over...I look for the light. Munchkins are fairy new in my life and make it much brighter. Maybe only when we have known the dark night of the soul can we appreciate those bits of happy every day. I know I am blessed to have made it through the last two years...still finding so many bits of happy through all those days. You are one of my bits of happy, lady. A blessing. Thank you. :)
There are a lot of people are suffering. These are wise words.
I walked out of a hair appointment, I just couldn't stand the stress.
You take good care!
This is such a great post, Jeanie. I'm known for (at least trying to) looking at the bright side and see something to be happy about or thankful for. There is a whole lot. But recently I have wondered that this is fairly easy for me with a husband and friends, but what if you are old, not healthy and LONELY? It's not that long ago that senior citizens living in nursery homes were completely isolated because of the pandemic. What then? How to find your five bits of happy every single lonely day? I think that is a completely different situation than a living situation where you have the support of a partner and/or family and/or friends. And even more the reason for us not to obsess too long, but find those five bits of happy. It is excellent advice. Hugs - Carola
Gratitude makes such a difference in attitude, everyone has challenges...Thanks for the reminder Jeanie, enjoy the small things!
💕 Jenna
Things are such a mess. I keep saying I’m glad I’m old. I really feel sorry for the next generation. I’m very tired of voting against somebody instead of for somebody. This year we will be voting for good or evil. Have a good week.
Family, thoughts of them are my happy. Faith is what gets me through and gratitude is what I feel for all life's blessings. The older I get the more I see for giving thanks. Next biggie here is Jim's eye surgery next Monday. Oh what a blessing to have sight.......Take care Jeanie, hope you have a wonderful week.........
Jeanie, So much wisdom in your post.
I love your comment about never being sad in an art supply store!!!! I feel the same about flower and plant shops!
Counting your blessings is always a mood lifter and praying for others that are suffering. The Bible tells us to cast our burdens on the LORD and he will give you rest. It always works for me.
What a great post, Jeanie! We were gone all day and I just read it this morning. For years I used to do a gratitude journal (and I still have them all). Now when “things” start to wear on me, I sometimes try to escape through books, movies or funny shows. I love the quote about art supply stores, but other than Michael’s and Hobby Lobby, our real art stores have folded up and left me with online stores. The thing I’m currently most anxious about is politics and this being an election year! We’ve quit watching the national news quite awhile ago, but I try to keep up with with political info through reputable news sources online, like NYT and a few others. I also like to bury myself into Connections, Wordle and Sudoku. PS, I really enjoy your blog!
You have reall found lots of happy. And we all need happy! I took the weekend off from my computer, just read, ate and drank coffee, and watched a good film in the evening, so all in all, a happy weekend. And on Saturday I went out for lunch with Heike, yummy! Have a happy, happy week, hugs, Valerie
This is such a great dose of perspective. There is a fine line to walk between venting to someone/feeling your feels but not delving into despair/obsessing over something. I am prone to ruminate about things and therapy has helped me recognize when I am doing it. I have to take a step back and ask myself if thinking about this continuously is making any difference or make me more miserable, and it's often the latter!
My 5 things are getting sucked into a good book, a great conversation with a friend, reading a chapter book with Paul, hugs from Taco, and sharing a laugh with Phil.
Have a beautiful day.
I'm so sorry you and the family are having a tough time. Yes, we all go through something. I do love how you handle it and all the photos of happy, loving family photos. I wish you a very happy day.
What a wonderful post, Jeanie. It amazed me how much the Elmo post validated the feelings of so many people. This follow-up post is just perfect. I have to work hard in the winter to find my 5 things….something critical to my mental and physical health. Thanks, Jeanie, for sharing your own!
"salmon for $5.99/pound"
WHAT. Wow!
What is that twisty mass of bright lights? It's beautiful!
Excellent advice! I just had a hysterectomy, thankfully recovering well. Sorry to hear of your struggles but you have the absolute best attitude to deal with it and then some. My five bits of happy today are: Beautiful snowfall outside today, red roses on the kitchen counter in a pretty glass vase, the smell of fresh brewed coffee, a good book on the nightstand and visiting blog friends on a snow day meant for respite.
I'm so sorry you have been struggling with all of this, Jeanie. And first and foremost, I think we need to have compassion for those who just aren't doing well. That said, for me, it's the little things that bring the most joy. And when we have a warm house, food, our health, a car to drive to get us where we need to be, that really is ALOT! I like that cat quote, and I'm sending it to Nel right now. Hope things get better, and you have a positive attitude that really is something. : )
~Sheri
💘 Happy Valentine’s Day, Jeanie!
I just spoke to this very thought on my most recent blog post. We can CHOOSE to think on good things. Somedays it takes a lot more effort than we feel we have, but we must choose it anyway. Looking at the cup half full is a much better way to live than thinking it is always half empty! I tend to be a realist, I see the real problem, but then I think to myself, what can I be thankful for in this situation. Gratitude can change everything. When you look at a situation with thankful eyes, nothing has changed, but your perspective gives you hope. Thank you for this beautiful post, and I pray that the Lord continues to send precious little blessings your way!
Dear Jeanie - I'm so sorry you've had so many worries on your plate, and I sure hope that Rick's business transfer goes well, Lizzie is ok, and that your own health, mold, and computer issues are soon improved. Health concerns and large, unexpected expenses are two of the things that always make my stomach hurt. You have all my sympathies.
But, wow, what a great post, and timely for me given everything that has been going on during the last couple of months. I'm still trying to discern where I can act... and where I can't, and where I just need to offer a listening heart. I'm trying to avoid burdening my friends too much, but gotta say that they have been a huge support for me, and I've appreciated every bit of their time.
For fun? I've been surprised by how quickly my perspective changes when I look at life through the lens of my camera, and I'm trying to do that more often. Likewise, sitting down at the piano -- it's a challenge to find a time when someone isn't sleeping in the house, but I always enjoy the discoveries I make when I play.
Last, going to the library is also a favorite treat. Our local library is very, very small, but they have a nicely curated selection of new best sellers and LOTS of mysteries. I always find something. And now that I've been going regularly, people always say hello and ask about what I've been reading. Makes my day...
Hope all is much improved in your part of the world very very soon. xoxo
Love the concept of finding those Five Bits of Happy each day, especially when things are tough. It's like sprinkling a little bit of sunshine into your life, even on the cloudiest days.
Happy Valentine's Day, Jeanie!
I can see the joy in your eyes!
I heard about that on the news. I think a lot of people are suffering out there at the moment.
Oh so well said! Not only do I try to remember the things I'm grateful for I also try to remind myself that nothing lasts forever and this hard season/thing/ etc. will pass.
As others have also said, this is a great post and thought provoking too.
Life throws so many twists and turns on our path through life. Some are good, others not so but it's how we deal with them that is important.
I do always try and look for the positives no matter how small at times they might be, to coin the phrase, my glass is always half full and not half empty.
Look kindly at those around us, and remember we have so much to be grateful for.
God bless.
All the best Jan
What a great post Jeanie. Sorry your and Lizzie's health aren't so good and Rick is having business issues.
It seems that since Covid more and more people have been feeling down.
I love the idea of finding "Five Bits of Happy every day", great idea and makes us more positive.
Jeanie,
Loved this post!! It is almost like writing down 5 things that you were grateful for in a gratitude journal even if one of them is just that the day is over if it was a bad one!! People do obsess...Joe is becoming one of them and it is not pretty...I am not sure though that I can turn that situation around....I hope you have a great weekend!!
Hugs,
Deb
This is such a super, positive post Jeanie. I am so sorry you all have been dealing with various life’s challenges, and I sincerely hope 2024 will bring that light at the end of the tunnel. I know life can knock us for six at times. Loved the “today I want to cat”. 5 Bits of Happy, I like that. The art supply quote made me smile too. You’ve given some great advice as this will help us all. The best gift is the gift of giving. Doesn’t have to be anything material, a listening ear is perfect. Darling photos, so very much enjoyed. Thank you and have a wonderful weekend.
I am late to this party! I hope there is some wine left! I very much enjoyed this post. I am basically a very happy, contented person. I have my share of sadness and worries, like everyone, but usually wake up feeling happy and in a good mood. I just asked my husband what 5 things make him happy, and his first response was "you". Which made me smile. But dogs, flowers, a good cup of tea, sunshine, rain, snow, talking with my sons...already over 5! Thank you for reminding me to stop and appreciate all the good in my life.
Gratitude is life changing-albeit in small, quiet ways.
Thank you for sharing ♥
I’ve read and reread this post. As I get older, I find little bits of happy in so many places. Sometimes these happy things come in living a simpler life. Since moving to Japan twelve years ago, I don’t have a car or a house or a television or a phone or many other things that seemed to be mandatory before moving here. Simplicity is good.
Jeanie, you are a wise, wise person! Thank you for this.
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