Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Postcards from the Lake: My Covid Meltdown

I knew it had to be coming. I have been far too content in isolation and at home (or cottage) for it to last. It happened on Saturday. We'd had a wonderful Facetime with the kids. Well, close to wonderful -- something was wrong with Kevin's webcam (we suspect Toddler Error) and so their screen was black. But the conversation was good, even though we couldn't see the Munchkins playing (and periodically arguing) in the background.

This photo was part of an installation at Tate Modern (2018). It seems to capture my mood more and more often these days.

Cam turned two this past week. I think of him as older but he is now officially, a "terrible two" and milking it! As Kevin said, Carson had delayed "terrible two" (he's now three and a half) and Cam is right there, so it makes for an interesting and on your toes home life!

Molly's parents are having a birthday party for him in a couple of weeks and we are invited. But I thought about it a lot and there will be quite a few people there and they aren't necessarily as intense about distance and masks as we are. So, I said I would have to decline.

They got it, of course. And we'll figure something out. But I still felt bad, not only about me but that the only reason Rick wouldn't go would be because if he did and there was a problem, it would affect me. Which made me feel bad. (HE didn't make me feel bad; I did that all on my own.)

If it was just that one incident it would be one thing, but just a few days before I told my cousin I wouldn't be at his daughter's September 5 wedding. We have waited for this one for a long, long time and nothing would make me happier than to be at Heather's big day. But again, too many people at tables at a reception and who knows what with being close.

It hit hard after today's phone conversation that I don't mind being alone or with Rick or with carefully and widely distanced others outside, with masks at hand. Nor do I really miss lunches or dinners out or even shopping (apart from picking out my own veggies or going to the farmer's market). What I DO miss is not being able to participate in events that are meaningful.

And chances are, I will probably be advised not to participate in our annual Mistletoe Market art sale in November. 

So, I lost it. The meltdown. Rick had suggested a walk. I countered with a drive to someplace I didn't know -- to see something I hadn't seen. Because believe me, I've seen my walk route plenty.

So, off we went, following part of his bike route when he rides here from home. It was a gorgeous day. Our 90s temps have toned down and it was very windy. The sky was that blue I cannot seem to mix in my paintbox and the clouds were perfection.

We went through state forest area and drove on long, badly paved roads. Finally we ended up at a small store in the middle of nowhere. And I mean the middle of nowhere.

I was impressed by the signs that people had to wear a mask (although the help wasn't, but he was behind plexi). This store was great -- but odd. We were the only people in there, which was great. But I could immediately see why. It had high-end and expensive sport clothes and hats, a wine section worthy of a far bigger city with nothing under $18, a huge beer selection and what I would call artisan chips and epicurean "groceries" -- jams and syrups from Stonewall Kitchen, interesting spices, corn and potato chip brands I'd never heard of, sardines, anchovies, capers, bruschetta -- it was a cocktail party in a store in terms of selection. But 24 quart-sized ziplocks were $5.99.

If, however, you wanted anything to really eat, like tuna fish or canned tomatoes, Oreos, a cake mix  or a sandwich, you were out of luck.

I have not been in a store since March 16. Even when I got a prescription I went to the drive through. I spent $26 on chocolate sauce, crackers, malted milk balls, chocolate covered cherries and spices you put in olive oil for bread dipping. I was like an addict who went off the wagon.

We stopped at the Au Sable River, where we observed a Covid party just waiting to happen...

...and several canoes coming down the way. It was really quite pretty.

Then we took a meandering way home. I felt much better to have been "out" for awhile and now back in the cocoon where someone was waiting for us.

But the whole thing made me again wonder, how long will this last, what will be the cost to our relationships, our way of doing family events.

It seems we are on an international merry-go-round that has run amuck. Around and around. Wear a mask. Keep your distance. Wash your hands. This or that is closed. Now they're open. Now they're closed. More restrictions. And why, oh why, won't they enforce fines for not wearing a mask or keeping distance?

I know some people don't care. They will go to church, no matter how many are there; they will attend the first big sporting event that comes along, a political rally, a crowded bar, or the first big concert or play or festival they can.

I know this is something I cannot do. It's not a matter of will not. It's a matter of CAN not. When I don't think of it much, I can tamp down the anxiety. But then it slowly bubbles up and surfaces.

And then there is the physical violence that has  occurred in conjunction with places that DO have requirements and try to enforce them. Or the mask shaming and bullying and name calling that comes from those who mock the maskers.

How many people have to get really ill -- or worse, die -- before we get our act together like the lion's share of the rest of the civilized world? Obviously, the mask refusers don't think about what that refusal means to others who might be vulnerable -- or just plain don't want to get sick. It's the epitome of selfish. Who has to die for them to "get the idea"  -- their mother? Father? Best friend? Sibling? Child? Spouse? What will it take?

No wonder other countries won't let us into their borders. I don't want to even let anyone into my house.

Our state has been having many Covid increases, both deaths and cases (more cases than deaths) and we've seen the impact of community spread in our own city. And we are one of the states that has high marks for doing everything right. I worry about my friends in the South, especially, but really everywhere.

Because we're all getting jumpy. We all want to go to the birthday party. Or the wedding. Of just be with a group of favorite friends. And some will -- and maybe it will be fine. Or maybe they will get very sick. Or pass it on to one who dies.

And that thought freaks me out. I guess I can go on as long as it takes...I hope so.

Sharing with:    Let's Keep in Touch     /    Pink Saturday    


coffeeontheporchwithme said...

I had my melt down fairly early in the game. You're long overdue ;) I have no words of wisdom. You're doing all the right things, for the right reasons. Since you really haven't been out of the house apart from your walks, etc. and not having been in stores, etc., it must have felt bizarre to go somewhere and step into that store. A bit of sensory overload? It WILL get better. Although some people say that this is the new normal, I am a firm believer that we will "go back to normal" eventually. Here, we are very lucky. Our numbers (by that I mean my area, comprised of two counties, a very large geographical area not consisting of any big cities), have gone down to the point that currently there is one active known case. All others have recovered (and there were only about 115) and nobody was hospitalized... Still, people are cautious, many wearing masks in the grocery store, for example, but not all. Husband was able to visit (outdoors, masked) with his mother in a long term care home, after he received his "negative" test results. BUT we are entering "stage 3" meaning restaurants can have people inside (distanced), not just take out. There can be larger groups of people.... Hang in there Jeanie! Keep writing your blog and painting your pictures. There will be other birthdays and joyful celebrations. People understand! -Jenn

Decor To Adore said...

YES to this post! I am thankful our county has mandatory mask-wearing in place. That said there are always a few who don't abide. I know what it will take. One of the individuals who shamed me in the mask photo I posted last week now has an aunt in ICU battling for her life. He now "gets it". Sadly, this is what it will take. Personal loss. I am thankful for sewing and craft projects keeping me busy. I am in it fr the long haul.

Sandi said...

Is that song book real? It seems very happy and celebratory.

"...long, badly paved roads."

This sounds comforting and quaint. Ah...

I hear ya. The world is strange these days. So strange.

Mae Travels said...

Our nation could have done better. This is the part that I find most galling! Sometimes when people do things to destroy themselves, there's a vicious satisfaction to be had, but even that evil pleasure doesn't work when they take the rest of us with them. Who cares if a 30-year old, just before death, says he or she was wrong? (It happened. The intensive care staff felt that it should be publicized to warn other 30 year olds.) No justice no peace applies all over.

--- end of rant ---

I feel for you.

be well... mae at maefood.blogspot.com

Valerie-Jael said...

I can't afford to melt down, I have nobody to put me together again. People are stupid here, too, partying in the altstadt, no masks or distancing. And no end in sight. We just have to keep going! Hugs, Valerie

Rustic Pumpkin said...

All of this hasn't been too big of a change for me from my normal routine. As a housebound~by~proxy care giver for so many years I got used to not going out. I got used to having groceries delivered. I got used to all kinds of things that prepared me for this. The only thing that changed is I don't go out walking at all now. One thing that has happened to me is a bizarre emotions over the fact that I have no family to miss seeing, other than my Godmother whom I meet up with three or four times a year. Everyone else has gone on before me, I am like ET, left behind. With no distractions, I am grieving all over again. I had so many plans for this year too, getting myself fit and healthy, getting essential and overdue work done on my cottage, and going on days out to start learning to live my life, which has been on hold for so long, again. It was not meant to be. Sorry for going on, somehow I think you turned a tap! I hope you and I, and others too, will find some peace in that by doing this we are hopefully helping to protect others.

Deb in Wales

Misadventures of Widowhood said...

It's good to get your true feelings out in the open once in awhile.

I just got my haircut yesterday and they are following all the rules without complaint. Felt very safe there. The girl cutting my hair was supposed to get married in September 5th and she called all her vendors and asked if they could do everything in 2021 on the same date instead of this year. They could. I wish everyone was a realist like her and accept that this year is not a good year to plan parties. She's getting married at city hall and will call her reception a 1st anniversary party.

Stay safe and don't feel guilty for protecting yourself and Rick.

Sue in Suffolk said...

Luckily living in a quiet part of England with low covid rates, I've not felt too bothered about being out and about to supermarket etc right from the start, so I've seen it go from empty to busy with people taking care.......or Not and have coped with changes. But I do worry for people who have been at home all this time and now have to find their way through all the new ways of doing things.

Mary Rose's said...

What a wise move, to get away for a moment! To go somewhere you haven't been. I love that you noticed the sky and clouds. Nature in all its forms (even spiders in the corner) can break the grip of anxiety.

We're all having our melt down moments.
It's good to let those emotions OUT.
Then ... lift up and keep going.

Love to you and Rick, and la Cosette of course.

Becca said...

Yes to all of this! I had a little meltdown too, brought on by the same thing...being unable to be with my only child and grandchild until who know when. They live in Dallas for Pete’s sake!!
Balancing the risk versus family relationships is very difficult. And I’m getting weary of always doing the right thing when others are so cavalier about it.
Sending love and virtual hugs.

Jacqueline~Cabin and Cottage said...

Well, yes. Exactly. Daily tricky decisions that we are forced to make. We are fortunate to be in a state that is respectful of a plague. One of the many fortunate things for us. I am looking at the situation as permanent. Hopeless sort of works for me. I am certain that nationally the disaster will be handled better in six months time. But that's far too late for so many people. Sharing the experience here helps. The comments too. Hugs, J.

Linda Sue said...

You are doing this thing just as it ought to be done! I am so pleased with you and your husband for not allowing the emotionally charged aspect of isolation overtake your good sense. Kudos!! Funeral hits has made my day- one finger chord...hilarious. Baby boy is delightful to see as well and the crazy posh store in the middle of nowhere, Good choices made!
You are not alone. Not many are dealing as well as you have been- and yes, that is an impossible blue in the sky! Oil paint might be able to duplicate it but wow, such brilliance!
Stay well, keep doing how you do! love

Silver in AZ said...

It was a missed family celebration that I too, had a mini meltdown over. Now they are saying a vaccine is over a year away. I'm almost 69. I'm losing valuable, QUALITY family time that I can't bank on getting on the back end of this thing. I do my best to squelch those thoughts, but it's getting harder...

Divers and Sundry said...

Amen to this. It'd go so much quicker if everybody would do right, and yet will they? No. I don't want to live this way for years to come, but here in Tennessee it's getting worse instead of better :(

bobbie said...

Sending you great big virtual hugs ~

Stevenson Q said...

My dearest Jeanie, I feel you and your sentiments about going outside and especially being surrounded by a lot of people. Because as you said, we'll never know if other people are as serious when it comes to the precautions of keeping one's self and others safe in this time of pandemic. I know how sad you feel to not be able to be at Molly's birthday and also to your niece's wedding but I am very sure they understand your reasons of declining. I myself have a very weak immune system aside from having hypertension which makes me extra vulnerable. I just hope a cure can be found soon and if it will be found, that it would be shared for the whole world. Cases here are just skyrocketing at record numbers day after day. Hope you are safe and sound, stay healthy!

DUTA said...

You did the very right thing about the events.

I think wearing a mask might be a better measure against the common cold than the vaccine. So, corona or not, I intend to keep wearing it. At my age I don't have to bother about looks, only about my health.

Lowcarb team member said...

2020 has not been an easy year, and the virus is not done yet!
We just have to do our best, even if others don't!

Do our best to stay positive and take something from each and every day ... no matter how big or small that may be :)

Sending my good wishes.
Take care, stay safe and well.

All the best Jan

I need orange said...

I think it will take leadership in the White House. Not what we have presently, but leadership. As it is now, too many use that Very Bad Example to excuse their own selfish and short-sighted behavior. "If *he* doesn't have to, *I* don't have to."

Other countries seem to be managing all of this much better than we are. When there is consistent messaging and science-based decision-making, things are much better.

I am hopeful that once we have an actual adult, who actually cares about the welfare of others, in the White House, things will begin to turn around.

And in the mean time, those of us who care about our own health, and who wish to protect the health of others, will stay home and wear masks and try to stay safe.

Judy at GoldCountryCottage said...

Dear Jeanie. The only thing I can say is that I'm with you. I don't think I can say I am having meltdowns, it is rather just a empty feeling that, at my age, I might not get to hug or see anyone again. That is my biggest scare, and I centainly don't want to get this damn virus and bring all that on sooner than needs be. It amazes me how some people are just ignorant. I don't think they even think about anyone else. Kind of like what is going on with our leaders. Such a simple thing like wearing a mask could possibly save the world, yet they have got to fight it to the end, and I hope it is their end, not mine or any friends of mine. It's almost like a badge of courage for some to say no to wearing a mask. In our town, people have been banned from grocery shopping at certain stores because they refuse to wear a mask. They fight and call everybody else names like it is not their own fault that they can't come back. What idiots!! Someone commented to me that they would never wear a mask and had a big 4th of July party with many attendants. Not even worth mentioning except to say how selfish and stupid. I am happy staying home even though I miss some things but a ride in the car, with mask in hand just in case, is a good alternative. I'm glad you got to take one and please, don't feel bad about stating your feelings. We and others that feel the same way are in the right, I don't mind saying..Stay well my good friend..xxoJudy

Deb Nance at Readerbuzz said...

You are doing better than I am. I have periodic meltdowns. My sister-in-law hasn't seen her grandchildren since February. We've dared to be with ours; our two grandchildren and my husband are the only people I have been within six feet of since March.

I press on. It's all I can do.

Barb said...

Letting go of anxiety and sadness is the best way to deal with this covid-induced madness. As our town fills up with tourists from states where there is an uptick, Bob and I remain isolated except for going to Whole Foods about every 10 days. There are "rules" in our state, but nobody seems to be following them. There are no penalties for non-compliance. Restaurants and short term rentals are starting to cut corners because they want the money. I assume our workforce sickness will start to rise and soon closures will happen again. I do pity my older grandkids who are starting their Senior year in High school and haven't been able to visit colleges or make decisions about their futures. Hugs to you, Jeanie. Hang in there!

Pam Richardson said...

I understand the melt down, Jeanie. It seems that our lives are on hold. I must say I am getting a little weary, but I always wear a mask if I go out in public. Stay safe!

David M. Gascoigne, said...

i read this three times, Jeanie, before attempting a comment, and I am still quite sure that what I will say will not sound right, maybe even a little trite. What I can say is this. Despite all the confinement, despite the resentment at not being able to mix with others, despite all the well known restrictions imposed by Covid-19, you have had Rick there to support you, and I have Miriam here to support me. I know that Rick has been a pillar of strength for you and Miriam has been here for me every day. When I think of those who live alone, have few friends or family close by, (and are unable to see them anyway) I know that through it all we have been more fortunate than many. You are entitled to your meltdown without a doubt. Be mad as hell, rant, rave and shed some tears, but all through it, and when you come out of it, the most stalwart person in your life will be there to support you. And that is worth more than anything.

Joyful said...

I understand where you are coming from Jeanie as I too cannot be around others and I haven't been in close proximity to anyone other than one family member. I go out only to grocery shop. I didn't bother to order on line due to lengthy delays. I'd rather pick out my own foods anyway. I go when there are fewer people around and thankfully most people these days seem to be wearing masks. I haven't been to the doctor in ages though I'll probably need an appointment by the end of summer it might be via zoom. I do miss getting out and about and seeing a friend now and then but several of them are working and they come into contact with too many people. They do try to keep distance and take other precautions but that doesn't mean others do. One sad note for me. I gave up the search for a cat because as we are in Covid 19 life I realized it was too difficult to see if I could bond with a cat via video calls and if I was successful in adoption I would have to go pick it up from a stranger. So sadly for now I will put it all on hold until the 2nd wave of CV 19 has passed and vaccine is in place. Keep well my friend. xx

Prims By The Water said...

I dont hug anhone anymore...not even Bob my hubby. Janice

Bohemian said...

I had my own COVID Meltdown as you know, about School Re-Openings and Covidiots prolonging this endlessly. The COVID Party pix is upsetting, but that Easy Funeral Hits made me laugh so hard I almost spilled my drink on the Keyboard and I'm stealing that one to Share! OMG! I'm so sorry you're also missing some of the most Memorable things, we too CAN'T go, it's not a matter of just choosing not to, unless Dying Horribly is our ultimate Goal, since we are the 'vulnerable' ones that seem to be among the Expendables. I'm sure we could hunker down a long time... but it feels like doing Time for no Crime.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

I so understand, Jeanie! This is a difficult time, especially if one has underlying health issues and needs to stay safe. You're making all the right decisions, of course, but I know it's hard and one does wonder how long this will go on and how it will impact relationships long term. I'm lying low in Arizona, that's for sure! But I've never been busier in my work as a psychotherapist. I'm doing only telehealth during the pandemic and business is brisk with a variety of meltdowns. You're certainly not alone in feeling distressed at the limits this is putting on truly meaningful events in your life!

The Joy of Home with Martha Ellen said...

Oh goodness, Jeanie, I share your anxiety, my friend. Our whole world is turning upside down before us. I'm afraid until a vaccine is on the market we will have to be diligent to take care of ourselves. I still have to bite my lip when we walk the trail. So many folks not taking this seriously is making it worse for everyone. I'm afraid it's made me quite angry---not like I want to be! Our annual family beach vacation will not happen this year. First time in my children's and grandchildren's life---so sad....

Marilyn Miller said...

I read this post earlier today and you are so right to be taking care of yourself and staying put. I don't blame you one bit. But oh my, isn't it hard and sometimes sad?
A friend is not attending her daughters wedding just because her daughter is insisting on 75 people in attendance with no protection. The father of the bride is going for 10 minutes to walk her down the aisle, then he is returning home.
I am so sad for all the choices we are having to make.

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

I know you have hit that point where you feel it's all working against you. But look on the bright side, please. You are lucky to have someone to share time with, even if you feel you will feel guilty about things with Rick you have no right to feel. At least you have him.

Further, you can go places. I can't. You can drive. I can't. I can't drive with one eye shut and the requirement on my license that I have to wear corrective lenses to drive. You have someone you can touch. I have two cats. Sure, you're going to miss out on a few events, but that's what videos and photos are for. You might ask Rick's DIL to have the laptop set up where you can watch and interact with the other guests at the party. I can tell you have the requisite software for it to happen. There are always ways to get around quarantine. And you have a great new internet at the lake and internet that is stable at your home. I won't go into that! It's NOT like you are in jail, even though it might feel like it at times. Oh woops, that would be me (grin).

I hope this feeling passes soon, because if it doesn't your health will suffer and then you WILL have something to worry about. Please count your blessings, stay safe, and stay positive, please. And please don't be mad at me for writing what I feel.

Lynne said...

Not sure what I feel.
All I know is I have had one melt down too many.
The flooding waters, losing one level of our house and on top of that
Covid, Corona, masks, distancing, hand washing, compliant, non compliant,
isolated communities, events cancelled, city having a “shut down” feel when we drive through.
We have been on many a drive, walking needs to return to our life.
Yet ... I can’t seem to find my way . . . about anything.
I wait for .”it all to return,” but you know what, it isn’t going to happen.
This is it, how it will be.
We went to church once, not going back, I felt so vulnerable.
I have my chair, I will sit in the sand, just the two of us, it will enrich my spirit for now.
We will listen to a taped message.
I am just rambling, rambling is my heart right now . .
We need to be patient with one another . . . I will be . . .

Victoria Zigler said...

I'm sorry you have to miss out on such special gatherings because of all this, and that the knowledge pushed you to the meltdown point. I'm glad you have Rick though, who it sounds like did an amazing job in helping you cope.
I've had several meltdown moments over the past couple of monts. I haven't had to miss anything important, but I see the changes made because of this - which we just get used to, and then they change again, which is something I struggle with anyhow - and I see how people are behaving, how it's affecting some people, and the number of the dead rising, and it's all just too much.

Victoria Zigler said...

P.S. Happy birthday to Cam. I feel very sorry for Molly and Kevin right now, with two toddlers going through those terrible twos, and not even the option to have the boys go somewhere else for a few hours so their parents can have a bit of a break.

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I completely relate to how you feel. It’s so hard. I haven’t had a meltdown yet. More just a feeling of anger, frustration and malaise and keeps bubbling up. I am so tired of this and I don’t understand why people are soooo offended by wearing a mask. It’s such a basic, simple thing that clearly protects others.

It is hard to miss out on family gatherings. I hated missing the 4th at my parents but it was too many people and with Paul in daycare, we are the ones with the highest risk of spreading it to others. I keep telling myself this is the year of sacrifice. More has been asked if generations older than me. I can stay home and limit my contact to small outdoor gatherings and daycare play dates. It’s not fun and it sucks sometimes. But it angers me that others can’t do the simplest thing like wearing a mask. I know some within my own family question why we are taking this so seriously. But this virus is real. And between my RA and being pregnant I have to be careful. And with my dad being high risk, I need to protect him even though he says he has no fear of the disease. It’s hard. I wish I could give you a big hug.

La Table De Nana said...

What's getting to me is the GLOOM.

The Gloom.

I can't pt it any other way.
Take care..xoxoxo

Pamela said...

I feel like you do. I am shocked and saddened by what is happening in the US. I don’t know why people don’t understand that this is serious. I love seeing Lizzie. I think she wants to comfort you, even though she doesn’t know what is happening in the world. Continue to take care!

The French Hutch said...

Oh do I understand where you are coming from with this post! I have to say no for as long as this virus is around and I make no apologies. No meeting friends for lunch, even our besties for dinner out. We absolutely are not going out to eat. Like you Jeanie, we haven't been out except a trip to the farmer's market and grocery shopping after deciding it would be safe with the precautions we take. Arriving at opening hardly anyone there at either place. Wearing masks and using hand sanitizer. Since it's so hot I don't ever get out to walk, do that on a treadmilll. It's hard not to be outside, even my own backyard. We do get in the car for drives when I feel so closed in. Covid is still on the rise here, lots of students around after their breaks and so many are tossing caution to the wind and going on vacations and getting sick once returning home. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. We have to do what we need to do to stay safe and well.

crackercrumblife said...

So true Jeanie. I am so sorry. It is hard to miss family events - that is what gets me too. I keep Wyatt and I busy since it is the two of us most of the time, I call my mom multiple times a day to occupy her - but this is an endurance game. We have to endure and wait it out. I try not to look at the calendar too much, or think too far ahead and it helps. But it is hard. Very hard. If it makes you feel better, my friend who is a respiratory therapist and worked the frontlines at the epicenter here in Michigan said we all knew cases would go up when the state reopened, and she is actually pleased the numbers are in the hundreds. So, that is a tiny something, maybe?

Hang in there Jeanie.

Joanne Huffman said...

These are extraordinary times and we have no idea what is going to happen. The uncertainty is very hard to deal with. Not knowing how long it will continue is maddening. Going to the grocery store is literally a life and death decision (I go during senior hours when mask compliance is very good). Melt downs are to be expected.

thepaintedapron.com said...

Oh Jeanie you do sound full of anguish...loose yourself in the things you do have, Rick, Izzy, painting, reading, nature and don’t let fearful thoughts in!

Sandra Cox said...

I'm glad you had an outing and that you were smart about it.
I'm afraid we are going to be living this until everyone dons their masks and the government enforces it. Or we get a vaccine, whichever comes first.

Sandra Cox said...

PS I ordered my hose on Amazon.

Carol @Comfort Spring Station said...

I am totally with you - I am so sick of my house and myself I can't begin to put it in words. I also have little motivation. Sad really. Florida has kept on hitting new highs in new cases and the idiot governor acts like it's all fine. It's not fine and people are still dying and he's opening the schools. What kind of sense is that? I prayer for the children who are going to get sick.

Red Rose Alley said...

Jeanie, it must be hard for you having all these emotions going on. This is a troublesome time for sure. I hear ya with your concern about social distancing and all. I can't believe that party you came across at the river. Many of the areas in our State have closed down again, and I think it's wise. I have to tell you that carousel photo is fantastic! I have a thing for carousels, and whenever I get a chance to go on one, I do! I'm glad you have your cat to cuddle on those worrisome days.

Hang in there, Jeanie, and take care.


Rita C at Panoply said...

I totally get your meltdown and anxiety, Jeanie. At the end of June, I was very careful to come out of my hole, and placed a local estate sale order ONLINE, paid ONLINE, and was called by appt for pickup of 9 little things (which I had a box for, to take to storage and leave for its quarantine). The host did not have my things ready when I got there (we both were masked). I got a call 3 days later....she had woken up that very night in a feverish state, only to be tested positive. So I self-quarantined for 14 days, and got tested at the end (negative, thank God). It caused a tiff between me & Mr P (heck, I was as upset as he was over it!). It was certainly as close as I want to get to this virus, and we can only hope those like at the river you pictured won't have to be the ones who see a spouse, best friend, child or whomever die from it. But I honestly don't know what it will take to try and fix those with such cavalier attitudes.
As for Cam, I saw another great label for the two yr olds......TWO WILD. :)

Bella Rum said...

Boy, did this ever speak to my heart. It's been hurting lately because we can't see the Grands. We will try to work something out that is outside. I know how you feel about going to any event. You have to weigh the risks carefully. We went to Crystal's when my sister was here, but I worried for 14 days after. It was the first time around people. I don't think I would make the same decision again. I don't know what will happen at Christmas.
A drive was the perfect thing for you. We have to get out of the house once in a while. Hope you're feeling better.
I like those spice packets for olive oil. I could eat a whole loaf of bread that way. :/ And chocolate covered cherries are my own personal illness. Love them!!

Shelia said...

OH, Dear Jeanie! I understand. You're such a social little gal and we just don't realize how much we have to be thankful for until it's taken away. I'm sorry but you're a little tough cookie too. We just have to keep going. I feel a little numb sometimes myself.
Sending you a big ole hug!
Shelia ;)

shoreacres said...

Because of my great good health, and other factors, this experience hasn't affected me in the ways that it's affected you. If I were as confined as you have been, I'd be going absolutely crazy. But I've never been the museum and concert goer that you are; I'm happiest by myself in nature, so that's been easier. And, at work -- in the marinas, outdoors, and essentially isolated -- there's been no need for masking up, and there's been plenty of casual socializing: not partying, and not in groups, but simply conversation with people passing on the docks. Even that helps to maintain a feeling of normalcy.

Beyond that, I'm simply not a fearful person. I know some people who don't have a hundredth of the legitimate concerns you have who refuse to go out of their house for anything. It's terrible -- the damage that is being done to some people by the fear-mongering that's going on is far, far worse that a case of Covid would be.

Rachel Phillips said...

At least you don't live alone. Count your blessings. Don't take it all out on masks and mask wearers. Touch is the worst thing, masks are like a comfort blanket to clutch upon. Use one if it makes you feel better. I hope you washed your hands. Enjoy what you've got at home, a partner.

Iris Flavia said...

"Toddler Error"! :-)
My sweet neighbour came very close yesterday. I held my breath. I am healthy, and I think he is, too, but what if "Corinna" got me? He´s 80...
Ha, yes. I can make me feel bad on my own, too. Too often, too. (also)
Oh. Thank you for that pic of the Covid party, eww in more than one way.
Lizzie seems to tell you off?

People mock you due to wearing masks??? Pffft. Dumb-heads
(Mean ad, but "kinda" funny?)

WAIT!!! (I think in Germany) a horseshoe has to be with open end to the top so luck can fall in and be there for the next person?

I´ll maybe adult today. Like big.

Gayla said...

I so understand your meltdown and feel for anyone with family and little ones they cannot hug right now. I guess I have not had a true meltdown but instead have become more quietly sad... so we know it is coming. Your drive sounds exciting. Those skies! Beautiful. I will definitely want to go for drives when the weather gets cooler. My friends all go out, most without masks... so I can't have them here at all. My son's health is slowly getting better but ... no covid for either of us if we can avoid it. Thanks for sharing your drive and the picture of that beautiful cat waiting for you! Pets are loving all this home time! It will get better. We live in hope and we die in despair. -- Gayla

Sami said...

I think we are all due for a meltdown, it's been a long time since we lived a normal life. I can imagine that missing your grandson's birthday and also your niece's wedding would be enough to make you super sad.
I have days when I shed some tears too, but I can even consider myself very lucky to live in Perth where there's been no community transmission for ages and we're almost living normal lives, but it's still a bit scary and I don't want to venture out too much!
Keep well dear Jeanie.

eileeninmd said...

Hello, Jeanie

I am sorry you have to miss some family events, I understand wanting to stay away from crowds. I think having the getaway, going for a car ride or a walk in nature helps relieve the Covid stress. If only everyone would follow the simple rules, wear a mask and keep a distance our country would be doing much better. Love your sweet birthday boy and the kitty photos. Take care and stay safe! Enjoy your day!

Anca said...

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I imagine is quite hard to miss family gatherings. Hopefully a vaccine will be released soon and, by next year, the situation will look similar to what it used to.

Ruthie Redden said...

I so understand your meltdown, having had one just the other day too, over missing my wee Grandaughters so very much. It is the hardest thing having to miss family events and just not knowing when /if things will ever return to normal! Even though I live in a secluded corner in Scotland, It has been frightening to see the crazy behaviour of some folk, it just makes me want to stay at home even more. I'm trying each day to remember the thing I am grateful for to keep me smiling. x

anno said...

The "meltdown" you describes sounds like very natural grieving for the too-many ordinary connections we have lost during the last six months. Taking a mini road-trip sounds like an excellent response. It's a difficult time, and whatever safe outlets we can find, probably wise to use them whenever needed (kind of like keeping a pack of M&Ms handy, just in case). Sending love & hugs (virtual, of course) -- anno

My name is Erika. said...

I get what you are saying. I missed my nephew's baby shower, and will have to miss my niece's wedding shower. One wedding I was invited to has been cancelled, am waiting on the other. I so want these things to happen and yet they can't. Never mind plans I made for the fall. I am OK making other plans and staying home, until I think too much about what can't happen. And then when I see just a few people and socially distance I still feel guilty like I could get sick. I don't like this part of it all. And people who can't wear a mask or go to these big group events just make me mad as it is so selfish. And there's too many who think their rights are being infringed upon. Rights/ Since when does the constitution say you have a right to go mask free? OK, enough of my soapbox. Hugs-Erika

Debbie-Dabble Blog and A Debbie-Dabble Christmas said...

So Sorry that you are feeling this way...If you feel that you need to keep doing as you are doing to be safe, then that is what works for you...
Thanks so much for stopping by!!

Sandra at Maison De Jardin said...

Jeanie, I don't know how I missed this post, but I did. I am so glad I found it. My friend, I well understand your meltdown. I've been close myself many times. I just seem to go to the garden, pick up a book, or get in the kitchen. There have been many times, I think I could have beaten meringues perfectly stiff with a whisk. I know we will get through this, but I think we may be in for a big shock as to how it will be.

Meanwhile, I am grateful for your blog and others. Know, you will once again see your family and friends. Stay well!

Little Wandering Wren said...

Believe you me, I think we've all had our meltdowns, I feel yours and for Heather trying to organise a wedding in all this. I've now adopted the manta of yeah whatever the universe wants, the universe gets. I don't really understand it all - truths presenting as lies - lies presenting as truths. Meanwhile, in Thailand we are in a bubble, although I don't get out for many walks.
Just catching up - onto your next post and as always sending hugs!
Wren x

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

First, jeanie, as you can tell by all the comments and most likely by the non-comments, you are definitely NOT alone in sharing a meltdown/rant. Believe me, many times I have done the same with myself or my husband who thankfully patiently listens. We miss seeing family, sharing events (a funeral and birthday for us). Like you, we also do not see friends either accept for some video chats and occasionally with social distancing in the hall for chats or sitting by the riverside. But, it's been miserably hot to even walk outdoors lately. You are such an outgoing, social person that I understand how hard all this sheltering can be to take. We social as people tell us we are, the truth it we are actually happy to be alone inside, but are thankful when we have gone safely out for a walk where there are no crowds. We have been doing our own grocery shopping, distanced and masked up. Go ahead and rant -- we all need to do that and just maybe those who are NOT getting these precautions will hear us and smarten up...we can only hope.

Beverly said...

Happy Pink Saturday, dear Jeanie. I am so glad to find you here each week. You are so good about sharing your joy.♥

This is such a difficult time, and I am so there with you. We haven't been inside anywhere else either. I reschedule all of our doctor appointments, but I had to reschedul and go to a few. Still some are delayed. And, the dentist, too. We just aren't ready. I miss my family and friends so much. Keeping the faith, and continual prayers.♥

Danielle L Zecher said...

I've had several small meltdowns along the way. I'm just angry now. I'm angry that NC's mask mandate is practically useless because so many cities and counties refuse to enforce it. I'm angry at the people acting like everything is normal, and putting other people at risk.

I'm glad you were able to get out, and that it helped some.

Sketchbook Wandering said...

I just saw this, Jeanie, a bit late...I realte to everything you wrote...It won't last forever...but in the meantime, I find ups and downs in the new reality...the politics of it is perhaps as upsetting as the virus itself... Take good care, Rita

Bonnie said...

Many people just don't get it. You are very right it is going to take a personal acquaintance seriously ill or dying to get some people to really understand.
My husband's mother just died of Covid. Granted she was 94 and but was very healthy. She did have Alzheimers but I truly think she would have lived except for Covid going through her nursing home and taking many lives.
I understand how it feels to be isolated and not seeing your friends or going to church. We watch church online and order carryout frequently. I miss going to restaurants and especially gathering with friends. For the first time, we are having a couple over tomorrow night and eat outside carry-outs together. I really need the socialization.
I have been walking a lot and stop and talk to lots of people from a distance and that helps.
This is a stressful time and I hope some relief comes soon. Hang in there.

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