Panic and angst. That was what I felt the other day when I got a letter in the mail that my pulmonologist was closing his practice.It is the start of my series of worst fears -- that all my doctors, whom I trust and who have taken good care of me through a lot of rugged stuff -- will retire at the same time.
Dr. Kashyap was my dad's pulmonologist too. So, I should have figured he'd give it up before I did. Not that he looks so old. I figured he was probably a few years older than I am. Which would make him in the 65+ retirement zone, so why am I surprised?
But I trust him. He diagnosed a pretty weird kind of lung condition and has given me good guidance over the years. When I felt I would like another opinion to dig deeper, he didn't hesitate or take offense and referred me to an infectious disease doctor (we won't go into that here). That I am healthier now that I was when I retired a year and a half ago can be credited partly to me, but equally to Dr. K and Dr. Perry, my primary.
Dr. Perry -- I have no idea what I'll do when he goes. At my last physical I had a discussion with him about that and begged him to find a partner who was as compassionate and kind and thorough as he is and enough younger than I am so he or she will outlive me. I have a few years there, I hope. But you never know. What I do know is that when that happens, I'll completely wig out.
So, Dr. Kashyap's letter said to talk it over with Dr. Perry and find a new person and I'm definitely going to ask Dr. Perry to get his recommendation, if he'll share. But I feel in many ways that it is the end of an era and a sign that everyone is growing older, including me.
And I'm not sure I like that I see -- I'm really not ready for endings these days.
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