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Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Pangst

Pangst.

Panic and angst. That was what I felt the other day when I got a letter in the mail that my pulmonologist was closing his practice.It is the start of my series of worst fears -- that all my doctors, whom I trust and who have taken good care of me through a lot of rugged stuff -- will retire at the same time.


Dr. Kashyap was my dad's pulmonologist too. So, I should have figured he'd give it up before I did. Not that he looks so old. I figured he was probably a few years older than I am. Which would make him in the 65+ retirement zone, so why am I surprised?


But I trust him. He diagnosed a pretty weird kind of lung condition and has given me good guidance over the years. When I felt I would like another opinion to dig deeper, he didn't hesitate or take offense and referred me to an infectious disease doctor (we won't go into that here). That I am healthier now that I was when I retired a year and a half ago can be credited partly to me, but equally to Dr. K and Dr. Perry, my primary.


Dr. Perry -- I have no idea what I'll do when he goes. At my last physical I had a discussion with him about that and begged him to find a partner who was as compassionate and kind and thorough as he is and enough younger than I am so he or she will outlive me. I have a few years there, I hope. But you never know. What I do know is that when that happens, I'll completely wig out.


So, Dr. Kashyap's letter said to talk it over with Dr. Perry and find a new person and I'm definitely going to ask Dr. Perry to get his recommendation, if he'll share. But I feel in many ways that it is the end of an era and a sign that everyone is growing older, including me.


And I'm not sure I like that I see -- I'm really not ready for endings these days.

26 comments:

Mary Rose's said...

"I'm really not ready for endings these days."

Yes, THIS!

XOXO,
Maryanne in SC

P.S. You're going to love your next pulmonologist just as much - you'll see. And thank you, Dr. Kashyap, for seeing our Jeanie through 'til now.

Tammie Lee said...

so nice to have doctors we feel good about. wishing you wonderful doctors.
enjoyed your photos ~

Karen S. said...

Goodness your captures are incredible.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Jeanie, I know how tough it is, especially when you've built such trust over time with Drs. Perry and K. It's great that you've been able to discuss your fears with Dr. Perry and to seek referrals from both. Since both care very much about you and your well-being, those referrals should be good ones. When I retired from my private practice, I took great care, whenever possible, to refer my patients to therapists I knew were both skilled and caring. In the one instance where the patient had just joined an HMO, I helped her with the transition by helping her to deal with the anxiety she had about having a very different therapist and type of therapy. I have the feeling that your doctors will be at least as careful in their referrals for you.

All the same...I know it's hard when you reach the end of an era. There is a very real sense of loss, another of so many we experience as we age.

Mari said...

It is great when we trust our doctors that much, sometimes it has a psychological effect. My father seem to heal well with one doctor and not much with others. Maybe it's also because he puts his trust on his favorite doctor and he listens to his advice.

I hope you get referral from them - that might make you feel better knowing that there is a connection.

Stay calm, all will be fine. :)

Jenny Woolf said...

Oh, Jeanie, it can be so alarming when a nice person goes and then there is the unknown. However, I think you will feel calmer when you have become more used to the idea. It sounds to me as if Dr. Perry is a good and caring doctor, and he's not going to feel okay if he is just leaving you worrying. I think good doctors always have their patients at the back of their minds.
He could have moved on at any time in his career, there is no reason to think about it being to do with aging although I think your recent experiences have shaken you up. I know you will feel better when you have had the chance to get used to this and locate someone else who is reassuring.

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Oh it's so hard to have to end a relationship with a doctor that you know and trust, and especially with one that you've had a long term relationship with. :( I hope that you are able to find a suitable replacement that you connect with!

Becca said...

This is so disconcerting. I do hope you find someone you can trust equally well. A good relationship with your doctor is just vital when you have a chronic and unusual condition.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Keicha Christiansen said...

Isn't it funny how connected we get to our doctors? It makes sense since they often see us when we're vulnerable, weak and scared and if they're good, they help heal us.

My longtime ob/gyn physician's assistant recently moved out of state. I was crushed when I called to make an appointment with her and found out she was gone! I'd been seeing her for over 17 years. I really felt like I'd lost a friend, so I certainly sympathize with your pangst.

Retired English Teacher said...

I understand all that you are saying here. We had specialists in Colorado Springs when we moved here, but no primary care doctors. It has taken us nearly three years to find ones we like. Jim has his. I have mine.

I noticed my cardiologist was getting just a bit older. He is probably approaching 50 now. That made me anxious. I trust him so much. I totally know what you are saying.

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Dearest Jeanie, first of all, thank you for coming to NOWHERE! teeeheheee....a place where faithful friends always show up.

I hear ya. Today is my 57th birthday, and little by little, I've been growing up into another cycle of life, one of which you speak here. I see the connections (like the one with your trusted doctors)in this life taking on a different form - one of a transient nature. No longer can we go to the same doctor. You see a different doctor every time you go in, and so many other areas of life are presenting themselves in a way that says, "I'm not waiting for you...life goes on. Either get on board or leave" type of mentality. I am with you. All we can do is give, give, give and smile and teach the heart of the matter of living.

BIG HUGS TO YOU! Anita

~*~Patty S said...

That kind of change is hard.
I have similar thoughts and fears.
We never know what the universe has in store for us.
Here's hoping this transition to a new doctor goes smoothly and happily for you.
oxo

Joanne Huffman said...

Once you reach a certain age (60), this happens with increasing frequency. This was my first year of a new accountant doing my taxes; I just didn't feel as comfortable with him. My former dentist did bring in a new partner and they worked together for a couple of years before he retired; so that transition was easy. Good luck with your transition.

Esme said...

I do hope you like your next doctor-It is so important to trust your physicians and be confident in their ability. Life is always giving us change.

gigihawaii said...

I have had several doctors retire in recent years and they are difficult to replace. Good luck and best wishes to you.

The Artful Diva said...

I've always referred to my art as "angst it a shame!"

Tante Mali said...

I cross my fingers and send you all my best thoughts and wishes! Take care yourself!!! Please!
Elisabeth

Jacqueline~Cabin and Cottage said...

Oh I feel exactly the same about my long time doctors! There are a whole bunch of us in the same boat, but that's no consolation! But so cheery that you came by for a visit. I hope you have something lovely happening on the weekend!

Friko said...

It’s already happened to me, my doctor have left the practice and handed me over to someone whom I don’t trust as much.

Maybe we make too much of it, but I know exactly how you feel. Precarious health is frightening and you want the reassurance of continuity and a doctor who knows all about you and who cares.

Good luck with your search for another doctor whom you cana rely on as much as your previous one.

Victoria Zigler said...

I've moved around so much that I haven't really had time to form any bonds with any specific doctor. Unfortunately, I've also moved around enough that I know there are great doctors, there are terrible doctors, and there are those who are just "OK" doctors. I hope your new one is one of those great doctors!

Kitty said...

Change happens. We really can't do anything to stop it. But we can trust in God to guide us through it. I seem to remember some qualms at the idea of retiring and look what it has brought you - all sorts of good things and better health to boot. Hang in there. There are lots of good doctors out there and I know that yo will find one. Love you.

Tracy said...

((BIG HUGS)) Jeanie... Changings doctors is always nerve-racking, With what you need care for, this makes it all the more so! I hope VERY much you'll find another doctor who is compassionate, caring and helpful! As we get older, all of these things do seem to get harder. Our sense of time and it's shortening is heightened. Love, trust and faith are good things to help us keep going by, though... ;o) Let us know how things go. Be taking good care there! ((LOVE))

shoreacres said...

Pangst! What a wonderfully descriptive word -- and haven't we all experienced it, at one time or another?

It is unnerving when things begin to change, isn't it? I've had the same eye doctor for twenty years, and I've hoped that I could have my cataract surgery before he retires. He's not the surgeon, but he's the one whose advice I trust, and the one I'd prefer to have overseeing the process. Now, I have the surgery scheduled, and as weird as it sounds, I feel lucky that my cataracts finally reached the point that they'd meet the surgery criteria while he still was around.

As for a primary care doc, I've had a real problem finding one who even would take me, post-Obamacare. Many physicians here no longer see Medicare patients, and finding one who would was a real struggle. I have one now, but I need to go see her, just for a little tire-kicking. I've been so healthy that I tend to let things ride, but the day may be coming for me when a good relationship with a trusted physician is more important.

There's one possibility you didn't mention. You may find a new doctor you like even more than the ones you've had!

Mae Travels said...

When someone is really reliable and helpful, it's just too much that they can't be there for us indefinitely. One favorite doctor moved on to a better academic job. Our dentist retired. And...

Our accountant was younger than we are, and always said we didn't have to worry, he planned to stay in buisiness etc. Sadly, he didn't make it -- a fall took his life last year. So tragic for him, his family, and his partners (but of course not in our case _tragic_).

Doctors don't even tell you their plans the way accountants do. I guess life is just that way.

Good luck with the replacement!

Bella Rum said...

I feel your pain. I hated losing my last primary care doc and my first one was the best ever, but he retired. Now I have a kid. She's very nice but spends her time at the computer scheduling tests and labs. It's the way of medicine these days. I hope you get someone you love. I know how important a good doctor is.

I need orange said...

It is non-trivial to find a doc that you like and trust.

All kinds of feelings when you need to do that, and the more you've been through with your doc, the more you feel it!

My long-time pcp has decided not to see patients any more. I guess I had a slow let-down -- he's a muck-a-muck and has been doing more and more administrative/leadership stuff. I haven't seen him as a patient for a long time.

One thing I love about using the university health service is that I can see different docs until I find one I like, all under the same (big) roof.

So I switched to a very nice young woman I saw when I got home from Italy with an ear infection....

Here's hoping for a long and happy relationship!

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